You Are the Picker

I often coach clients through overcoming anxiety in social situations where they are worried about what others think of them. “Will they like me?” “Do I look okay?” “What if I say the wrong thing, or what if I can’t think of anything to say?” Fretting about others’ perceptions of us can be overwhelming, and can make a social situation something to be dreaded rather than enjoyed. 

One of the best ways to alleviate this kind of anxiety is to turn your thought process around and start to think of yourself as the picker. Instead of wondering who will choose you, be proactive in thinking about who you want to interact with. Scan the room and see who looks most interesting to you. You are the team captain selecting players who are the best fit for your squad, not the kid in the corner hoping to not be someone’s last choice. 

In a similar vein, practice turning your attention to others and becoming curious about their experience. Are they nervous or uncomfortable? How might that change if you approach them with warmth and kindness? What could you say to them that might put them at ease? What is it about them that could be an opening to make a genuine connection? Thinking about others is a good way of getting out of your own head and taking the focus off yourself.