Ghosting

Getting ghosted is one of the most frequent grumbles I hear from people who are dating. They go out with someone, all seems great, then they never hear from that person again. There are several reasons why ghosting occurs:

• The person lacks courage and doesn’t want to have a confrontation.

• The person lacks empathy and isn’t attuned to how their actions affect someone else.

• The person lacks communication skills and doesn’t know how to end the relationship in a healthy way.

Whatever the reason, ghosting is a terrible way to terminate a relationship. It leaves the other person feeling insecure, rejected, and often baffled about what happened. 

What to do instead of just fading away:

If you don’t want to see someone again, being direct is the kindest possible way of handling it. If the person did something that was off-putting, tell them, even if it’s uncomfortable. This may prevent them from sabotaging future relationships by repeating the offensive behavior. If there is merely a lack of chemistry, tell them this as well. Goodness of fit is an important component of relationships, and if the fit isn’t there it’s no one’s fault.

What to do if you get ghosted:

First and foremost, do not contact the person who ghosted you after one or two attempts. If you haven’t received return communication, consider this a clear message they don’t want to be in contact with you. Talk to a friend, therapist, or other trusted person about what happened and how it affected you. Then, turn your focus to taking great care of yourself and to building other reciprocal connections.